Day One: The Beginning of the End

       To wish you a happy birthday seems a bit ironic when you are literally the happiest you could ever be. The funny thing about death is that it only sucks for the people left behind, once you leave this earth you are free. Maybe we don't know the freedom that it is because we are still here. The escape from pain, cruelty, sadness, longing, and no longer missing loved ones that have gone before-- that's freedom. Death is just that, escape. I try to remind myself daily that Dad is in a better place, a place where illness can't harm his beautiful brain. A place where drugs don't ruin families. A place where anger doesn't reside. A place where he can finally be happy. That does not mean that it is any easier for me, or any of us left here missing your warm hugs, sweet smile, and obsessive love for the color orange. We miss you everyday, especially on days like today. Now, I don't know what happens to your soul when you die, but I do believe it is free. Free to no longer be held captive by the passions that being in a carnal state produces, the passions that ultimately cause us pain. Free to know all and understand just how beautiful this world is. I am so sorry you had so much pain in your life and especially in your final days. I wish that I didn't have to be grateful that you are in a better place. I wish we could have made your time here on earth the best place it could possibly be, but it wasn't and now you have found your freedom. I think the intriguing thing about death is that you can live life so fully, and still find the benefits of release in its freedom. It is almost rewarding in a way-- especially if you live a full life in which you found yourself truly. I like to believe that if you live a life enlightened to the wonders of this world, and devote your time to seeking beauty in the things around you and discovering your identity, the release and freedom that death brings is rewarding, leaving you endless time to just be happy and free. Nothing more, just free.

     So today I wish you a happy birthday with bright Orange balloons and your Tony Stewart nascar jacket, and I begin a journey-- as your ends. I have 5 days of packing and goodbyes, and then my adventure begins. I am simply keeping a promise I made to you long ago, and in doing so I am going to find myself-- so completely that I can lose myself. I go to seek beauty and to be adventurous, to find what I love and to be enlightened, so I too can be free.

 

  I'll be seeing you, Dad. 

Hugs, Squeezers, Kisses.