A thousand pieces

How many times can the same heart break before it stops beating?
If only you knew the weight you held.
You could put it back together like a thousand puzzle pieces.
Instead I just allow history to keep repeating.

I’ll never understand why I can’t close the door to my heart,
Even when the storm is raging outside.
Open door policy, let the rain flood the halls.
Even if in the end the storm tears the house apart.

September 27th

Some days the numbness wins. I am alive but I am not living. I yearn for this emptiness to be filled. I yearn to be understood. I yearn for a connection so deep and intimate that boredom never arises in my soul. Alas, the timing can not be right...you cannot be. Some days I am completely apathetic to existence and I yearn to be awakened from the seemingly never ending sleep paralysis that is said apathy.  I have yearned for a soul that touches mine gently yet strong enough that it is undeniable that that soul is filled with a passion for the heart of humanity, and able to be passionate for my heart. Still in this moment my fear of the impending apathy will close this heart for maintenance until god can form granulation tissue over it’s wounds. I yearn for a reason to be drawn from this dispondent state, but I need that reason to be my loving God.

Above all else, I yearn to be alive and truly live, simultaneously.

To love as you love

I hunger for a heart that pumps unconditional love, mirroring the love you give me so freely. 

A love that is patient, and kind in all things, Lord, I’m eager to see your people clearly. 

Give me your eyes and your heart for mankind, help me to not envy nor boast. 

Loving you fiercely and mirroring your heart, I long to be fully engrossed. 

Rid my heart of the pride I carry, allow me to yield without second guessing. 

An extension of your perfect grace, to all that I meet allow me to be a blessing. 

Strip me of my carnal self, to not dishonor you or others,

Break my habits that you deem self seeking, only eager to love my sisters and brothers. 

Give me peace to refrain from anger, meekly understanding all things

To truly forgive even when it takes effort, to love fiercely in all that life brings. 

Help me to protect my fellow man, guard their hearts as you guard mine;

Give me your heart to trust, hope and persevere, letting your unshakable love shine. 

Peace Prevails. Fear Fades.

Clarity breaks through and peace arises,
It is cloaked in shades of blues, greens, and golds.
Formulated through moments of deep reflection,
ready to humbly watch my future unfold.

Fear does not own me, it has not won.
Tomorrow’s sun rises on a newly refined soul.
To see the world through eyes laced with kindness,
kindness that helped make a heart freshly whole.

Still in the small times

It’s the small times,

the seconds that float by in-between the moments. 

They breathe impartial clarity. 

In those brief thresholds of existing in every moment

as they come,

I am offered a reflection of who I yearn to be. 

With an equitable evaluation of what has been 

and what’s projected, 

I yearn to embrace tomorrow unequivocally. 

Yet still in those small times, 

the seconds that float by in-between the moments,

I am finding I miss you endlessly.