Some days the numbness wins. I am alive but I am not living. I yearn for this emptiness to be filled. I yearn to be understood. I yearn for a connection so deep and intimate that boredom never arises in my soul. Alas, the timing can not be right...you cannot be. Some days I am completely apathetic to existence and I yearn to be awakened from the seemingly never ending sleep paralysis that is said apathy. I have yearned for a soul that touches mine gently yet strong enough that it is undeniable that that soul is filled with a passion for the heart of humanity, and able to be passionate for my heart. Still in this moment my fear of the impending apathy will close this heart for maintenance until god can form granulation tissue over it’s wounds. I yearn for a reason to be drawn from this dispondent state, but I need that reason to be my loving God.
Above all else, I yearn to be alive and truly live, simultaneously.
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