Hidden behind the emoji smiles and “Lol” texts
Is it a lie if my heart wants to believe it?
Is it pretending if I want it to be true?
Wishing I was as happy as that smiley face I just sent to you.
Alas my brain stutters, shuffling through the long list of regrets.
How many lies can fit in those red heart eyes?
Enough to fill the void that I am so dangerously close to falling in.
Or am I the void intrinsically?
Lying to escape who I am, who I was, what I define as me.
Just looking to escape actual reality, though you see smiles my heart just cries.
Hidden behind the screens, what plays out on the inside
It’s for only my heart to see.
The hurt, the longing for what once was, the sorrow
Hoping for just one yesterday to borrow.
But today I’ll send “I’m doing fine” and allow the inside to hide.
Is there an emoji for “I literally cannot breathe”
How about one for “who I was yesterday is not who I am today”
What if I sent one that captured, “I don’t know how to be me without you”
Unfortunately those words are just too long overdue.
Into the numbness I allow myself to concede.
“Im doing well, and yourself” accompanied by a smiley face emoji.
The strong are never as strong as they want you to see.
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